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Guru Ephah Josef Raubert Michaelsky
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[20 Sep 2006|08:48pm] |
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( 9/20 )
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| Did ya know pen is stronger than the knife? |
[07 Sep 2006|12:12am] |
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Rivers run and breezes blow and where we'll land we do not know. Sand may snake and sun may spill but the pattern always shows the way to you is a star in me and love will see you through.
The rivers run, my fingers cross
and all we know is what we've sought
Rocks will roll and gather moss
but we've hitchhiked our way back to the top
Smoke arises at the tail of our flight
but whose to say I'm wrong or right?
The trip's been made, we're coming down
but for all we know we're back around
I know it's strange to be gone so long,
back to the peaks where we began
Our time here was short 'cos at first chance
we looked back twice and ran
Stars blanket my soul with raining light
and warm my heart with spring's bloom
Meadows of color dance in shapes of flowers
That ebb and flow in the tide of your hair
Spiraling down to kiss the sand in showers
that scatter diamonds of awe in the sky
They remind me of how far round I've come
and how here is really there
my Body lets go and gives Mind the reins
and god becomes just another name
For you and I are one in the same;
we flow forever through the same vein.
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[20 Jun 2006|01:29pm] |
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mood |
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 full |
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27 hours and 15 minutes.
Good game, high school.
Joe 1
H.S. 0
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| When there was no dream of mine, you dreamed of me. |
[11 Jun 2006|04:52pm] |
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mood |
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Stoked & Sentimental |
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Going through some old text files where I store random bits of minutia, I come upon a horoscope I saved for one reason or another saying to schedule "hot dates or fabulous getaways around July 21st and August 19th, when your wild appeal is boosted way, way up."
Haha!
I just think that's kinda funny since I've forgotten all about that and I just happened to schedule my orientation to UCSB for July 21st to 22nd. That's definitely a fabulous getaway of sorts. Now what the hell am I supposed to do about the 19th of August?
Oh, beautiful.
Prom in 6 days and Graduation in 10.
Where did the time go? I remember way back when, when the leaves were turning brown, the skies were grey, and I thought the days would never end.
Now they can't seem to come any sooner.
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[27 Apr 2006|10:26pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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How anti-climactic! I finally decided to fill out my student intent to register with UC Santa Barbara tonight, and I gulp clicking yes when it bluntly asks that question...
Do you wish to attend UC Santa Barbara?
Yes No
So I say yes, of course, and I go through a step or two more, and I realize that my dad is asleep so I can't make the registration deposit! Haha, oh, man...
But at least I've finally come to the point where I'm like 80% sure of my decision (because of course until I step foot on campus I won't feel completely good about my decision). Thanks to everyone for their input, even though it honestly didn't effect my decision, it did affirm my thoughts, so that did provide support.
And now that I have that out of the way, I still felt a sense of something missing from me as I drove here and there and everywhere today.
I know I've had a lot on my mind, and hell, the person who is a pretty good contributor to all those musings knew I had lots on my mind. Little did they know that they were the nature of many else of the things that were on my mind aside from this whole college deal :P
One step at a time, I guess. I'll tackle everything in small bites.
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| And all I have to do is think of her. |
[25 Apr 2006|09:54pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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So, Berkeley has decided to deny my appeal.
That's like, 2 rejections in the same 3 weeks. From the same school. I mean I understand that appeals aren't usually very successful anyway, but it's slightly disappointing anyway.
So...
The choice between UC Santa Barbara & San Francisco State Universit is straining my mind. I'm going to be looking at the classes offered just for a feel for any sort of interesting extraordinary classes as well as figure out which one may present better chances for ending up at Berkeley after like 2 years or something if that's possible.
Those might be good deciding factors, but I'm still at a loss. San Francisco is an amazing city. It will be a grand college experience there. On the other hand, Santa Barbara is an attractive location, and it's the beach! And a good school!
I'm dying here!
Choices, choices, choices...
I need some sort of unique, deal-breaking piece of information about either of these locations to really make a doubt-free decision. HELP!
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| Well I ain't always right but I've never been wrong. |
[05 Apr 2006|08:13pm] |
Sails unfurl full mast upon timber strong
Excitement out our pores and soul in our song
Rays pour down like golden crowns upon our brow
Gentle but full the zephyr does warm felicity arouse
The last tick resonates and ushers in the tone
The last tock echoes and richochets in our bones
Fading voices cry with glee from the mirage of the shore
And bend and come 'round as they do implore
Follow that masterless chorus upon every wave
Whether to bliss, to fortune, to the unknown, to our grave
_Thursday
Sam Ash
Doc's
_Friday
Psych papers
Senior Picnic
_Saturday
?
_Sunday
?
! spring break !
_Monday
San Diego w/ Nino
_Tuesday
San Diego " "
_Wednesday
Snowboarding? " "
& back to the valley
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| You're like water for my soul when it gets thirsty |
[09 Mar 2006|10:52pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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Man, am I grateful for good karma.
The valley is more than just some place
where I have lived and I will leave
Again here with my presence I shall grace
and kiss the same ground and same sky
that blessed my seeds into trees
Out of earth comes a tree
and out of tree comes a seed
and in this seed is born a light
if you just believe
in transcendence from a body and mind that's seperate from soul
and dissolution of the boundaries set by ego
But you can't just watch
you must let go
Will yourself to the center and sing to them all you know
They sing to you back a strange melody
Telling tales of timeless travels in hieroglyphic times
of Tibetan monks tilling Golgatha in rhapsody
and promising rainbows after the torrential monsoon
Star light bends, flows and envelops my soul well received
and weaves in divine design immaculately conceived
The umbrellas are an illusion
Phantasms of an agreeable fallacy
Letting sluices of succulent lotuses fall
Upon plantations of ecstasy
Prometheus rolls his eyes and huddles withal
Shielding the flame that keeps him sane
to keep the sky from falling
and hold the contracting walls at bay
Shakespeare asks himself whether or not to be
And holds a heavy lungful of sighs
Pleading to Layla to give rise to fantasy
And cast her inhibitions to the skies
His lexicon lacks 'solitary life'
He wears his weary heart on a marquee
Jealous of the hemlock left bare by his wife
Left alone by self-fulfilling prophecy
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[18 Feb 2006|10:08am] |
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Week of February 12, 2006: The worst week of our collective lives.
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[12 Feb 2006|10:33pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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The drunken politician leaps
Upon the street where mothers weep
And the saviors who are fast asleep
they wait for you
And I wait for them to interrupt
me drinking from my broken up
And asking me to open up the gates for you
I want you
I want you
Yes I want you so bad
Honey, I want you
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| I am a traveler of both time and space to be where I have been |
[01 Feb 2006|07:14pm] |
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mood |
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 hyper |
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I had my first true encounter with Lady Salvia today. At the peak, it felt like the fabric of reality was peeling away in strips. There was a very cartoony look and feel to the people that were with me: the hallucinations were intense enough that it looked like a cartoon vision of a few people I know driving away in a car together, away from me, on the street, in an almost repeated motif matter, the image rolling away in geometrically sound shapes. This, though being my field of vision, also became a part of me, or rather, I merged completely with my environment and felt physical sensation as the world tilted 90 degrees clockwise and everything made just about no sense. As reality peeled away, as I tried to reach for it out of curiousity, I found myself slipping away further and stripping reality away more and more. I was not frightened, but merely cautious, for I was aware of my disorientation, but the distortions were too strong to differentiate between what was what. When my peak subsided, I was still tripping, but taking intense measures to analyze what had just happened and what was happening. Glowing effects subsided into baseline after about 40 minutes, followed by the expected mellowness and feelings of peace of mind and curiousity.
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| Domain of the Philipino Princess |
[30 Jan 2006|11:05pm] |
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mood |
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relaxed |
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The buzzer it screams and your thumb is still there
It's fleeting my palm and into thin air
My eyes open and shut and I just cannot believe
That by the weaver of dreams I would be decieved
The feeling is gone
The image remains
Underneath eyelids that hold onto frames
I pray for redemption that now seems all too unreal
As my soul bursts into flames without sound to feel
Or colors to taste
Subliming my flesh
Into wisps in haste to rise among clouds
Who've grown up to believe in distant cosmic frontiers
The end of the world shakes soft as our sails just cough
As they battle in cold air from the great vacuum beyond
The Bishop feels like a pawn 'cos he's far from home
And Jack of Hearts moans:
"I'm so damn alone"
He pours one glass more, spills some on the floor
The rest in a bucket that measures his good fortune
By the wine he doesn't drink and rain that just sinks
It's denser witht he salt and his self-inflicted fault
For letting her go that way without the North star
To stay vigilant
In her left pocket
A hand on her heart whispers to the beat:
"Would you like more to keep? You're not alone anymore.
I watched all the sand falling
While falling with you."
Well, sand crumbled to rock at the edge of the world
To make way for new masters to blaze its new trails
Time cannot be lost
As it knows no bounds
Sands of its image manifest as land
To give the Bishop stray and the Jack of Hearts alone
The time past spent as future to plant new good seeds
That their gardens may bloom petal sails and pistil mast
To scale oceanic cliffs and glide on blue breeze
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[29 Jan 2006|04:17pm] |
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What an eventful weekend... woke up early as fuck for the Academic Decathlon competition @ Bravo Medical. I absolutely put a leash on the interview and took it for a walk around the block. My speech was alright, I guess, and my impromptu was pretty weak due to a lack of an anecdotal introduction to flavor and spend time.
Yada, yada, yada.
I remember talking about all sorts of pastries and food and what have you during the car ride with Nomachi and the team. Someone brought up baklava - little did I know that later in the night I would be indulging upon a feast of 'tainted' baklava, medicinal banana nut bread, and strawberry flavored 'psychotic' suckers.
I love Venice!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a strawberry bunny to suck on.
http://autos.yahoo.com/newcars/ford_escapehybrid_fwd_2006/16907/style_overview.html;_ylt=Al_QunlrtXWiH3Vjp6Rh_dFHWcIF
MSRP 28110 with the Leather package, but 32k witht he moonroof 'cos you have to get the moonroof with a special premium package.
Breaks my little fucken heart.
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| If I go to school un-drunk tomorrow, I think I'll pass out. |
[22 Jan 2006|09:54pm] |
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mood |
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touched |
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( If I had a penny for every universe I was aware of... )
Using simple dimensional analysis and Avogadro's number, one can calculate the approximate number of d-lysergic acid diethylamide molecules in a single, 100 microgram dose.
Result: When that strip hits your tongue, that sizzle is approximately 150,000,000,000,000,000 or 150 quadrillion molecules of LSD in a jovial dance of rite inviting you into the epic journey they shall take you through, and likewise warning you that there is no turning back.
Conclusion: That's a lot of acid.
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| I'm don't want nothing, nothing but you |
[16 Jan 2006|02:28pm] |
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I need some lovin'
Ah, romance and psychedelics, how you make the world go round.
Who wants to start a petition to end Winter and have Spring bestowed upon us already?!
I want Spring again: lazing in the sunshine, stomachfuls of cracker dry mind snacks, strips of tingly mind mints, green grass growing, cool winds blowing, happy heads abound, hopping on river rocks, sitting in the shade, and daydreaming about that evening where we find ourselves on a whole new page, leaving the days of yore in our wake and their memories fresh in our souls and counting the sun's rises and falls 'til we come to the crossroads on this long and winding road and all tell each other that we'll see each other later instead of saying goodbye.
I wished those days would never end, but now that they're not here, I just can't wait for these days to pass and welcome the new season.
Sure, it gets hot and sunny nowadays, but it's so inconsistent.
Everything feels so inconsistent right now.
But the times will be a-changin'. February looks to be the start of a promising year, 'cos so far, 2006 is just so ordinary. But patience is a virtue and this year is still in infancy. When red and yellow come to be, watch out: it's easy ridin'.
Oh yeah,if anyone knows a good place to camp or just stay for a weekend and have a great time kicking back and partyin' and trippin' without the bind of parents, please share. President's Day weekend (Friday 2/17 to Monday 2/20) is callin' for some serious free-range fun. So yeah, please, input. Thanks.
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| "If you think hugs are better than drugs, you haven't tried LSD." |
[01 Jan 2006|08:58pm] |
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mood |
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peaceful |
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My resolves for MMVI anno domini:
Discover further the relationship between the pattern and universal existence;
Play a new game with the girl next door (the one with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair);
Overcome the enigma that is my mother's seemingly infinite abundance negative energy;
Play a musical instrument!;
Learn to cook;
Continue to help open minds and hearts to the gift of possibility;
Become as financially sound as possible with the least effort and within the limits of my context;
Forsake the prejudices of all those who don't believe me when I say that everything will turn out well in the end and that each and every one of us must invest patience, virtue and individual expression into Life so that we can give our frame in the fractal the most beautiful design we can;
Forsake the misunderstandings of those around me by showing them what they thought improbable of me;
Prove to myself that with the power of soul, anything is possible.
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| Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery... |
[04 Dec 2005|01:35pm] |
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mood |
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Okay so my mom just told me: "You talk to me like we're equal, but we're not. I raised you; I took care of you when you were helpless. And I hate you for that."
All I did to instigate this was to suggest to her that I wish she would ask me if she could use my computer before just jumpin' on and using it, in case I was, y'know, in the middle of something important. Just asked for a teency bit of respect, to be treated like a person. But of course, we're not equal, and I owe her, so I'm not allowed respect from her.
Makes sense.
It's too bad that she fails to see that I am a person and that I deserve to be treated like the person I am, not for the helpless childhood me. If I didn't believe strongly in equality and oneness, I'd sooner think that we aren't in fact equal after all; that since she closed-mindedly believes in that lack of my character, then perhaps, after all, I'm above her. That I'm stronger, smarter, and happier than hers, so I transcend her very existence. But that's not true. She is my mother, and I respect her. It's a damn shame she doesn't share my sentiments. We may be equal in some way, but surely, we're not the same. I know I still have a long ways to go, and there's spacious room for growth, but it looks like she has to realize that for herself.
It's felt like a tough week... and I just...
I really
really
really
really
really
really
really
really
really
really
really
really
really
really
really
really
really need some lovin'.
update: I'm uh-feelin' a lot better now that I got a chance to sit back and laugh.
Y'know, times like these really reinforce a few things: miscommunication and overanalysis are a deadly combination if no one sets the rules; things always tend to turn out okay in the end, if you can just wait it out; you can't always get what you want, or what you expect. But as for that last one, you just got to expect not getting what you want, and accept it, 'cos if everything went your way all the time, then, well, nothing would seem so satisfying anymore. It's your shortcomings that end up being the reason why the sweetest moments are that much more perfect.
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| Leaves Hands Feeling Soft & Refreshed |
[28 Nov 2005|10:31pm] |
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mood |
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grateful |
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How does it feel?
Ahh. Man, what a weekend!
Harry Potter & disdain,
tacky turkey day & titillating trespassing Thursday night,
slow fucking Friday with a bit of Portrait and then a party without the hand thats fits in mine,
whack wind sanding down the fine point of our day at the beach on Saturday,
and then a stress-free Sunday with a repeat of Harry Potter, ending in simmering down towards
Monday morning, miles away from a miraculous moment, but relaxed and enjoyable still until a mix-up with my paternal figure, peaking in an emotional explosion.
I really need it to be a weekend, but one that doesn't quite end,
no, not yet, I don't mind how, just let it preserve itself. I don't want winter break and I certainly don't feel like dealing with school so much. Just give me two-hundred and fifty dollars, a full tank of gas, and a long, full, and uninterrupted weekend with the girl whose name fills up my phone's text inbox.
And then I can tackle another week of school and the estranged loneliness that accompanies winter break.
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[24 Nov 2005|12:49pm] |
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pleased |
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As I reflect upon last Thanksgiving,
though I realize that I am now better off,
and that thing's are truly amazing,
I am oh so thankful for the here and now,
yet I can't help but feel screwed out of a good one
again.
But then again, why should I care?
It's such a meaningless holiday.
Granted, I am thankful for everything every day of my life.
The only thing worthwhile this day is actually eating a big family dinner,
but even that element seems tampered with this year.
And I guess the only reason I'm sour about it is because I'm disappointed about something at the moment,
but whatever.
I'm actually quite well in the grand scheme of things.
Happy thanksgiving, everyone!
"U <3 I"
I'd rather y'all read the post below this one! This entry right here... well, the tables have turned.
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lostintheaether's journal
